just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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