I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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