WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
