Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
