ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
