we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
