Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
