WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
