Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
