shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
