i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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