we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
