Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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