I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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