Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
