Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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