i think i have two assholes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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