Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
