3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my sisters under your porch take her home
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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