You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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