alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize