I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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