There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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