I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
