I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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