I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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