My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
