he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
