Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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