A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
