my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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