OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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