I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
