What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
