when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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