pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
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When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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