you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woke up backwards on a recliner
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
