were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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