I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
