you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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