Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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