sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
