Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
