After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think I sprained my soul last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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