The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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