I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
