my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
