I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
