I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
