he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
