i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
