Can i not drive my cunt home
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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