That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
