She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
