A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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