this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
