would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
