Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
