Girls should come with a carfax report
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
