I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
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