Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
