My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
