he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
