What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
