The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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