Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i've created a new STD.
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But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize