I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am naked and annoyed.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
