Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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