I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
