I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
